Talking about sex

I have one teenage son right now and after I blink a few more times I'll have 4 teens in the home.  

This fact recently led me to wonder what it must feel like for a teen boy to grow in such a super-sexualized culture.  Realize that Tammy and I are on the protective end of the spectrum in comparison with most families we know, and yet we know our kids are still being exposed to more sexual content than we probably were at their age.

Parenting through this particular issue of life will be a challenging experience but we know that God is going to give us wisdom through His Word and through friends.  If you have found a resource to be helpful to you in raising your children I invite you to please share it on Building Strong Homes, FB page. 

I recently posted an article there on the 5 Ingredients to a Sexually Fulfilled Marriage.  Having a strong marriage requires a healthy sex life.  In the right time we need to share this biblical principle with our kids...God invented sex for stronger marriages!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Building-Strong-Homes/855953031089727

What's more important, what God is doing in me or what I'm doing for God?

Often this question comes up only because we're too wrapped up in the tyranny of "doing for God" (pursuing our mission) at the cost of spending quiet time with Him (remembering our identity.)  A religiously busy life works to pull us away from quiet times of introspection and meditation ultimately leading us to neglect our spiritual and emotional well-being.  In addition to disconnecting us from God, this pattern if unchecked will also eventually bring other important relationships to ruin.   

Yet, the answer isn't what some rush to embrace by choosing to swing the pendulum in the opposite direction until all of life is about an inward spiritual focus.  Discipleship isn't exclusively about internal behaviors, decisions, attitudes, and values.  Discipleship requires obedience to the voice of Jesus.  So, neglecting God's calling to serve is just as sinful as ignoring his invitations to communion.  

It's important to remember that our identity is as children of God only because of His grace and that our mission/calling is separate but equally important.  Who we are isn't defined by what we do, but what we do does flow out of who we are.  Just like Israel in the Old Covenant, the church is a nation called to be God's chosen and holy people, separating themselves from the peoples around them (identity).  However, we also were given an assignment (mission.)  Our assignment isn't to find and conquer a promised land, but instead we're to use our gifts to help others know and follow Jesus.

In 2015 let's commit to spend quiet time with God each day reconnecting with the truth of our identity as forgiven and loved children of God.  Then, as God seems to be guiding you can choose to lead a ministry or program or some other type of God-given initiative that is seeking to make disciples, or you can employ your gifts on the team of a spiritual leader who is serious about the Christian mission.

1 Peter 2:9, 10
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

Romans 13:1 says, "let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established.  The authorities that exist have been established by God. "


The attainment of an orderly family, church, or community is realized only when the people submit to authority and when authority loves those whom they lead.  When one or both of these principles break down, so does order and peacefulness.


What will you do to affirm the authority of the policemen in your community?


In the areas of life where your role is "leader," what will you do to better love those whom you lead?

Wow...a believer who actually believes

In our family devotion time the past couple days we’ve focused on the conversation between David and Saul when David is pleading to go out and fight against Goliath.  Specifically we focused on 1 Samuel 17:34-37.

Since Saul wasn’t willing to carry the banner of the One True God, he made it his mission to find someone else he could talk into fighting Goliath.  

When David showed up, Saul suddenly found himself face to face with a man he couldn’t talk out of fighting Goliath.  It is clear in this story that the difference between the confidence of David and of every other man in Israel was huge.  

What made the difference?

When Saul tried to talk David out of the fight, David’s response was to relate how God helped him overcome bears and lions, and so, certainly God would be with him against an enemy who wasn’t simply attacking some sheep, but God's name and the very people of God.

Confidence like David's comes from our faith memory that causes us to dwell in our past divine deliverances while realizing that God wants us to continue living forward, running straight into new and unexpected enemies that will challenge our faith in Him.  

What adversity are you facing today?  How has God shown Himself to be faithful in your previous trials?  Remembering his grace and deliverance from the past will allow you to move forward into an uncertain and sometimes scary future, especially if you are carrying the banner of the one true God.

Thankful for Eternal Life

There are many things we want to be certain about.  We want to be sure that:
* there's enough money in the bank to cover expenses
* the tires are in good condition before a big trip
* our kids are getting a good education
* I have job security
* my spouse loves me
* our doors are locked at night
* my loved ones have what they need
* I have time for fun and recreation
* I can afford to retire some day
* We have medical insurance
* I have food and shelter
* Etc.

However, of all the things in our life that we should be trying to lock down, so that we have total certainty, the most important thing to be sure about is our eternal future.  This past Sunday I shared with my church what the Bible says about eternal life.  For those who missed it let me share with you what just might prove to be the most important bit of information anyone ever told you.

Truth #1 - It is possible to know 100% for sure that when this life comes to an end you will be in heaven with Jesus for eternity.  

Truth #2 - If you're "pretty sure," "not sure," or "hoping" that you'll be in heaven one day, then chances are you're banking on the wrong thing to get you there.  The reason for this is because when we understand and believe what the Bible says about eternal life there is no longer any doubt.  Doubt about eternal life in heaven happens when we are banking on our own good behavior to buy us a spot in heaven.  We hope that we've been good enough or that we haven't done anything too bad or that our good decisions will outweigh the bad decisions.  So, we live with doubt because we're not ever quite sure if we've been good enough to earn God's forgiveness and acceptance.

Truth #3 - The Bible says that neither you nor anybody else, even the most religious person you can think of, has done enough good things to earn heaven.  The saints, the prophets, the disciples, pastors, missionaries, monks, nuns, priests, no person other than Jesus has lived a perfect life.  Even if I was able to be perfect from this day forward there's no solution for my past sins and say I only committed 10 sins a day?  That's still 3,650 sins per year.  No matter how you cut it we're all in trouble.

Truth #4 - Although we could never do enough Jesus did do enough on our behalf.  I can't do enough good things to erase my mistakes and sins but Jesus paid the price of my debt to God on the cross.  The Bible is very clear that he paid for all my sins in full.

Truth #5 - If I believe Jesus did all the work necessary to get me to heaven and that his sacrifice was enough to cover all my sins then I won't have any doubts whatsoever about going to heaven.  Doubt surfaces when I trust myself to get to heaven and doubts disappear when I trust Jesus as my Savior.

There are many verses in the Bible that will reassure you about truth #5.  Read: John 3:16, Ephesians 2:8,9, 1John 5:11-13 and tell Jesus that you trust that his death and resurrection was enough to secure your eternity in heaven.  God's not impressed by your good deeds.  He's only pleased when you choose to trust him, believing that you have eternal life given to you as a gift, thanks to Jesus' sacrifice.

Thank you God for assurance of eternal life...not because I deserve it but because you gave it to me as a gift many years ago when I trusted you as my Savior.

Does God permit lying in some circumstances?

 Lying and half-truths is a topic I have to address as a dad on a regular basis.  Well, recently it came up again but not because we had an offender in the family.  In our family devotions last week we ran across a passage that caused my boys to ask, “why did God tell him to lie, dad?”

The situation we see in 1 Samuel 16 isn’t any different from the ethical dilemma many people have faced.  Can I lie under certain circumstances?

·      What should I do if a beggar asks me if I have any money, and my boys hear me say I don’t, but they know I do.

·      Say, my wife asks me how her new outfit looks?

·      What if a family I’m serving in another country asks me how I like the dinner I could barely stomach?

·      What if a mom lies to her abusive husband in order to escape the home with her kids?

·      Can a football team run a trick play and score the winning touchdown as a result of their masterful deception?

We all seem to be OK with setting some conditions on telling the truth in some situations as seen above.  However, we have a hard time knowing what to say when confronted with the direct question, is it OK to lie?

First of all, we all understand that the Bible teaches us to be truthful and honest starting with God’s confrontation with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and also seen in Exodus 20.  Furthermore, we know that God is truth and that He does not lie and therefore as his children it is our goal to be like him (2 Cor 4:2.)  Additionally we understand that the whole truth is very important in these situations:

1)   Total honesty to legal authority figures is vital for an orderly society and explicitly taught in Scripture.  We must tell the truth and the whole truth when asked by those responsible for our “law and order.”  That goes for children in the home as well.  The Israelites were taught to tell the truth and they couldn’t conveniently leave vital information out when in a court of law (Lev 5:1, Deut 19:18.) 

2)   Honesty communicates loyalty, increases trust, and it fosters intimacy, each of which are vital for the development of relationships.  So, total honesty is expected in marriage and in close friendships as well as between believers in a covenantal relationship.  As long as these relationships are healthy and mutual, to hold back personal information would be seen as dishonest and would miss opportunities for intimacy.

3)   Lastly, honesty about sin is a vital part of:  healing (Jas 5:16,) fellowship with God (1Jn 1:9,) and it proclaims the truth of Scripture to others… all of which are very important.

This is what we need to teach our children.  Simply, tell the truth and tell the whole truth.  In the process I need to be careful to model for them a consistency of truth-telling knowing that they are watching and listening to everything and tend to see life in very literal terms.

However, as my kids become adults I need to help them see that not everything in life is as black and white as we’d like it to be.  Just like there are exceptions and conditions to the command not to kill I have to help my boys learn to always be men of integrity and truth while knowing there will be some occasions that they shouldn’t tell the whole truth.

In 1 Sam. 16, God instructed Samuel to be prepared to give a half-truth to King Saul, if he were asked why he was in Bethlehem.   Why was this Ok for a God who is truth?  I believe there are four reasons why God would want us to not be transparent and in some cases deceptive.

1.     First of all I’m reminded that God doesn’t reveal everything to everyone and what he does reveal He doesn’t give all at once.  He has chosen to reveal bits and pieces of himself and the spiritual world and he has done so through installments of revelation throughout history and throughout our own lives.  Does that make God a liar?  It simply models for us the option to allow some information to remain a mystery until the right time and place.  So, in our relationships it’s important not to mislead or lie, but we can choose to withhold information to leave it a mystery.  Mysteries about me will reveal the people who truly are interested in me because those people respectfully pursue those answers to know me.  This is how we find our true friends and our mate.

2.     Careful allotments of personal information is a very strategic way for teaching others.  We can teach someone a skill or impart knowledge, but we don’t dump it all at once.  A good example of this is how we teach our kids about the birds and the bees…technically what we say to our two year old is usually a lie because we know that to give the whole truth would be at best confusing and at worst detrimental.

3.     We must lie sometimes to protect yourself and others.  We all know that there is certain information about ourselves that we would not divulge to certain people for fear they would use that against us.  Such has been the case for American POW’s who are interrogated and those who helped hide Jews from the Nazis.  Such is the case today in abusive homes and places where evil men exploit those who are vulnerable.

4.     Many people demanded that Jesus reveal who he was, but it often wasn’t the right time or the right situation.  Additionally, these people held no position of authority over him so he had no legal nor moral obligation to answer them.  If a person who is not a legal, moral, or spiritual authority seeks to interrogate us, we are free to use Godly discretion as to how much we reveal, knowing they don’t have our welfare in mind nor do they have responsibility for an orderly society.  Their motives are selfish.

God tells Samuel not to tell the whole truth to Saul because Saul held no legal nor moral right to demand total transparency and transparency would jeopardize innocent lives.  As was proven soon afterwards, such knowledge would only lead Saul to fixate on killing the ones God had ordained and it wasn’t yet God’s timing for David to become a fugitive.

I can’t easily explain these exceptions to my young kids, but after they've learned the importance of honesty and telling the truth I need to help them begin to learn that when evil people demand information from them, they’re free to say nothing or to mislead.  Now, if they deceive their family, parents, teachers, law enforcement, friends and church family, that’s a problem that needs my attention!

Intimidated by family devotions because of the verses that stump you?

As we were reading through 1 Samuel we came across a verse where God literally instructs someone to lie.

I recently read with my boys 1 Samuel Chapter 16.  The Prophet Samuel, who was to anoint David as the next king of Israel, asked God what he should say if someone asked him why he was in Bethlehem.  Now, if the current king found out what was really going on, who knows what might have happened next! 

So, God told Samuel to take heifer and to tell anyone who asked, that he was in Bethlehem to offer a sacrifice. Technically it was the truth but the answer was meant to deceive.  So, I reminded my boys that when they do this, use a half-truth in order to deceive their parents, we still call it a lie. Of course, now I have to explain why God instructed someone to be less than truthful with his answer. What would you say to this? 

When you encounter difficult passages in your family devotions, what do you do? 

My encouragement is that you to leave the difficulty hanging for a while.  For instance, If you have a good answer don't give it right away.  Instead let the tension provide an opportunity for your kids to think and pray about the right answer for a day or a week. On the other hand, if you don't have a good answer, which is always intimidating for me as well, we have 3 choices:
1) I can say "oh boy, look at the time. I'd love to give you an answer but I have a heifer to sacrifice." - Give them a lie
2) I can give them my best guess - Possibly a half truth
3) I can admit I'm not sure and then go and research the answer together with my kids - learn the truth together

Of course option 3 is a very healthy and Scripture-honoring decision that will affirm your commitment to the Bible as the source of truth in front of your kids while showing them that you're humble enough to admit that you don't pretend to know everything.

Now, I know some of you may be distracted from the point of my article because of the ethical tension I just raised from 1 Samuel 16.  If you're wondering why God would suborn lying...well, let's talk about that next week ;)

What happens when we die?

Over the past couple of months I've had many conversations with people about after-life questions.  For many reasons this has been on people's minds...whether they've recently lost a loved one, or just went to see the movie Left Behind, or Halloween and ghosts are on their mind, or for some its been simply a question of how can we be certain we'll go to heaven when we die.

So, I'm taking these conversations as God's signal for me to preach a series at Mountain Vista Community Church on what the Bible says about the after-life.  I'll be sure to get the messages online too for those who can't join us.  This topic is vital for every one of us to understand so that we can face the inevitability of the end of our life with confidence and peace.  Additionally, I want you to be able to share with your kids, extended family, and friends the truths of Scripture that will comfort them when thinking about this heavy topic.  Are you equipped to have that conversation?

1 John 5:13 says, "I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you many know that you have eternal life." John wanted his readers to know beyond any doubts that their eternal future was securely established in heaven.  If you have doubts please join us so that you can have the confidence that John is describing.

Ready to stop fighting?

Conflict is a part of life.  It's a part of marriage and family life.  It's a part of your work place and every organization where you're a member.  Conflict is everywhere because people are everywhere and we're all different.  Different personalities, different perspectives, different value systems, different beliefs, different needs, all contribute to the inescapable-ness of conflict.

Being able to resolve conflict is a skill that will earn you a lot of respect from your peers and it can even earn you a lot of money if you're in a high stakes leadership position.  However, sometimes resolution isn't possible even for the wisest mediator to achieve.  In that case, a person is faced with the options of unresolved conflict or conflict management.  

Conflict management being preferable to ongoing conflict requires among other things that we be willing to respect a decision that we do not agree with, assuming the relationship is a higher value than having to win or be right.  In a leadership or board meeting the majority may decide, but if you're in the minority you still need to respect the decision.  The same principle applies to a decision made by:  a boss, a referee in a basketball game, a legal vote, a judge, or a parent trying to raise responsible children.

Respecting a decision doesn't mean agreeing with it or giving up on the possibility that your idea or position may eventually prevail.  In many cases there is a prescribed and appropriate process of appeal.  What respecting a decision means is simply accepting the decision knowing that often times a poor decision is better than no decision.  It also means you receive credibility for the next time that your opinion wins out, and you ask those who don't like the decision to accept it for the sake of:   the team, the marriage, the family, the friendship, the organization, the country, etc. 

5 misunderstandings that are sabotaging the family

I have a heart to see families and marriages succeed.  In fact, recently I've been leading my church to find ways that we can strengthen homes.  There are many practical things that individuals and churches can do to strengthen homes, some of which we're working on…

·      training in effective parenting principles

·      training to strengthen marriages

·      counseling or coaching families through conflict

·      providing child care so couples can go on a date

·      assisting single moms with practical needs

·      supporting foster families

·      spiritual growth programs for children and youth

·      praying for families & marriages

·      supporting families through times of grief

·      training families to manage their money effectively

·      support groups for men and women to help them grow as parents/spouses

Another important aspect of building strong homes is that Christians and churches need to teach God’s design for the family.  Every successful structure, whether physical or social, starts with a design.  Fortunately, God, who invented family and marriage, also gave the blueprints for the design of family and marriage.  Unfortunately, many people in our country seem to be moving farther away from God’s Word and the wisdom it has for us.

Consequently, I look around and count 5 prominent misunderstandings that are sabotaging families today.  Let's keep in mind what is clearly taught in the Bible regarding these topics.  If you don't accept the Bible then this is meaningless to you.  However, if you are a Christ- follower, His teachings are not ambivalent nor ambiguous regarding these 5 misunderstandings.

1.     Marriage was invented by God and he said it was to be a permanent and exclusive relationship between one man and one woman.

2.     A husband is to love his wife even to the point of sacrificing his life for her if needed.

3.     A wife is to submit to the Godly leadership of her husband.

4.     Parents are to show love by consistently correcting and disciplining their children and preparing them to live productive lives that glorify God.

5.     Children are to learn to respect adults and especially their parents and grandparents.

Do you understand your mission and identity?

When I preach, teach, and mentor leaders I often bring the message around to mission and identity.  These are the foundation for our discipleship.  

Mission is what I do.  When you are asked, "what do you do?", I'm sure you answer with your occupation.  Now, you could also answer with any number of other roles you play, i.e. parent, spouse, good neighbor, community activist, volunteer, youth coach, PTO member, student.  However, if you want to answer with the most important thing you are here on this planet to "do" the answer is, "I make disciples."  

Matthew 28:19-20 tells us that as we're going through life we're to make disciples for Jesus.  In other words all these other occupations are simply our "going."  They're the activities of life but not the mission of life.  As you are going through your life, every occupation offers the opportunity for you to share your faith and teach others how to follow Jesus.  As you work toward making disciples remember that your mission isn't exclusively individualistic, it is also a corporate mandate.  We should work together with our family and with Christian friends and we should especially work together with our church, to lead others to Christ and teach them to follow Him 

Identity is who I am.  When asked to describe yourself, I'm sure you start with your first and last name.  The answer to this question reveals how a person views him/herself and how they expect others to view them.  You could answer the identity question with the titles and the accomplishments of your life.  You can also answer with your membership in a group or your ethnicity or your social group.  Some people want to be known as artists, musicians, doctors, educators, homemakers, politicians, ministers, missionaries, union members, citizens, Americans, Pro athletes, accountants, gay, straight, Democrats, Republicans, African Americans, Latinos, Cardinals Fan, etc.  

Christians must remember that our primary identity is found in Christ.  Jesus created you, He redeemed you, He guides and provides for you, and He has a place ready for you to live in heaven.  I must remember that without Jesus I am nothing and I have nothing. Because of Him all my sins are forgiven.  I don't feel like I'm a perfect person but the fact is that in God's eye's I am perfect because when He looks at me He sees Christ in me (2 Cor 5:21.)  I am as righteous as Jesus but I certainly couldn't make myself THAT righteous.  In fact, I keep failing and falling short but remarkably I'm righteous anyway.  So, stop thinking of yourself as a failure or a sinner or a member of a group.  He redeemed your soul and gave you everything and in the process you became His.  You belong to Him.  So the question isn't "Who am I?" but, "Who's am I?"  My identity is that I belong the Christ!

2 Questions - How do these truths interact with each other?  If the greatest pupose for my life is to glorify God then, how do these truths help me to do that?