Does God permit lying in some circumstances?

 Lying and half-truths is a topic I have to address as a dad on a regular basis.  Well, recently it came up again but not because we had an offender in the family.  In our family devotions last week we ran across a passage that caused my boys to ask, “why did God tell him to lie, dad?”

The situation we see in 1 Samuel 16 isn’t any different from the ethical dilemma many people have faced.  Can I lie under certain circumstances?

·      What should I do if a beggar asks me if I have any money, and my boys hear me say I don’t, but they know I do.

·      Say, my wife asks me how her new outfit looks?

·      What if a family I’m serving in another country asks me how I like the dinner I could barely stomach?

·      What if a mom lies to her abusive husband in order to escape the home with her kids?

·      Can a football team run a trick play and score the winning touchdown as a result of their masterful deception?

We all seem to be OK with setting some conditions on telling the truth in some situations as seen above.  However, we have a hard time knowing what to say when confronted with the direct question, is it OK to lie?

First of all, we all understand that the Bible teaches us to be truthful and honest starting with God’s confrontation with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and also seen in Exodus 20.  Furthermore, we know that God is truth and that He does not lie and therefore as his children it is our goal to be like him (2 Cor 4:2.)  Additionally we understand that the whole truth is very important in these situations:

1)   Total honesty to legal authority figures is vital for an orderly society and explicitly taught in Scripture.  We must tell the truth and the whole truth when asked by those responsible for our “law and order.”  That goes for children in the home as well.  The Israelites were taught to tell the truth and they couldn’t conveniently leave vital information out when in a court of law (Lev 5:1, Deut 19:18.) 

2)   Honesty communicates loyalty, increases trust, and it fosters intimacy, each of which are vital for the development of relationships.  So, total honesty is expected in marriage and in close friendships as well as between believers in a covenantal relationship.  As long as these relationships are healthy and mutual, to hold back personal information would be seen as dishonest and would miss opportunities for intimacy.

3)   Lastly, honesty about sin is a vital part of:  healing (Jas 5:16,) fellowship with God (1Jn 1:9,) and it proclaims the truth of Scripture to others… all of which are very important.

This is what we need to teach our children.  Simply, tell the truth and tell the whole truth.  In the process I need to be careful to model for them a consistency of truth-telling knowing that they are watching and listening to everything and tend to see life in very literal terms.

However, as my kids become adults I need to help them see that not everything in life is as black and white as we’d like it to be.  Just like there are exceptions and conditions to the command not to kill I have to help my boys learn to always be men of integrity and truth while knowing there will be some occasions that they shouldn’t tell the whole truth.

In 1 Sam. 16, God instructed Samuel to be prepared to give a half-truth to King Saul, if he were asked why he was in Bethlehem.   Why was this Ok for a God who is truth?  I believe there are four reasons why God would want us to not be transparent and in some cases deceptive.

1.     First of all I’m reminded that God doesn’t reveal everything to everyone and what he does reveal He doesn’t give all at once.  He has chosen to reveal bits and pieces of himself and the spiritual world and he has done so through installments of revelation throughout history and throughout our own lives.  Does that make God a liar?  It simply models for us the option to allow some information to remain a mystery until the right time and place.  So, in our relationships it’s important not to mislead or lie, but we can choose to withhold information to leave it a mystery.  Mysteries about me will reveal the people who truly are interested in me because those people respectfully pursue those answers to know me.  This is how we find our true friends and our mate.

2.     Careful allotments of personal information is a very strategic way for teaching others.  We can teach someone a skill or impart knowledge, but we don’t dump it all at once.  A good example of this is how we teach our kids about the birds and the bees…technically what we say to our two year old is usually a lie because we know that to give the whole truth would be at best confusing and at worst detrimental.

3.     We must lie sometimes to protect yourself and others.  We all know that there is certain information about ourselves that we would not divulge to certain people for fear they would use that against us.  Such has been the case for American POW’s who are interrogated and those who helped hide Jews from the Nazis.  Such is the case today in abusive homes and places where evil men exploit those who are vulnerable.

4.     Many people demanded that Jesus reveal who he was, but it often wasn’t the right time or the right situation.  Additionally, these people held no position of authority over him so he had no legal nor moral obligation to answer them.  If a person who is not a legal, moral, or spiritual authority seeks to interrogate us, we are free to use Godly discretion as to how much we reveal, knowing they don’t have our welfare in mind nor do they have responsibility for an orderly society.  Their motives are selfish.

God tells Samuel not to tell the whole truth to Saul because Saul held no legal nor moral right to demand total transparency and transparency would jeopardize innocent lives.  As was proven soon afterwards, such knowledge would only lead Saul to fixate on killing the ones God had ordained and it wasn’t yet God’s timing for David to become a fugitive.

I can’t easily explain these exceptions to my young kids, but after they've learned the importance of honesty and telling the truth I need to help them begin to learn that when evil people demand information from them, they’re free to say nothing or to mislead.  Now, if they deceive their family, parents, teachers, law enforcement, friends and church family, that’s a problem that needs my attention!

What did you think of Richard Sherman's Interview?

I've never had such anticipation for a Sunday NFL lineup like I was looking forward to last Sunday's Championship games.  Then to my shock Richard Sherman gave what will be a life-long defining rant at the end of the second game.  What was your take?  Millions have recorded their opinions all over social media and in conversations this week.

My take was initial shock but not a lingering shock.  My initial shock was simply the result of being conditioned to always hear palatable and respectful (although not always sincere) sound bytes from players and coaches as they leave the field.  Yet, it didn't take long for me to simply brush Sherman's comments aside remembering that many NFL players representing every team have the same big-time ego with some concealing it better than others.

Here are three important truths I will share with my sons after watching this with them:

1) It's always so much nicer to be able to learn from someone else's mistakes.  I hate to put my foot in my mouth and would much rather learn from someone else doing the same.  The tirade from Richard Sherman couldn't have been better at illustrating how obviously inappropriate it is to have poor sportsmanship after a game.  Lesson #1 - Our kids need to learn in competition that win or lose we do it with humility and respect because it reflects on us, our family, our team, and our God.

2) I've been a part of leading meetings, mission trips, and big events when afterwards I was very "keyed up," "agitated," "frustrated," "tired," you pick it.  I wouldn't have wanted a microphone put in front of me at that point for fear of what I might have said that I would soon after regret.  Lesson #2 - Let's talk about not speaking when we're too emotional and also teach our kids not to be immediately critical of someone else who realizes later he crossed a line in the heat of the moment.


3) This time of year we give a lot of attention to NFL players as the Super Bowl approaches.  I'll also toss in the Grammys and the Oscars which are around the corner.  We state emphatically that "I love Richard Shermon, Frank Gore, Tom Brady Peyton Manning."  Or I "love Matthew McConaughey, Cate Blanchett, Leonardo DiCaprio, Amy Adams" etc.   But then they do something in real life that we don't love.

So what do we mean when we say that we love these celebrities.  Many (most?) of them don't share our faith, our family values, our convictions.  Many are truly and deeply conflicted, insecure and depressed.  In fact we'd all find many of the celebrities we "love" to be very difficult to hang out with because of how self-absorbed they are.  So why should we be shocked when Richard Sherman opens his mouth and reveals that he isn't the poster boy for Jesus' Beatitudes?

Honestly, we "love" celebrities because they impress us with their abilities and performances and our evaluation stops there.  That makes us just as shallow as we accuse them of being.   Lesson #3 - Let's help our children learn to appreciate celebrities who not only impress us physically but also have the attitudes, values, and faith that are so much more important.  I want to point out to my boys when I see: strong work ethic, praise for others, honesty, committed marriages (you can find a few of these,) integrity, generosity, and especially genuine faith in Christ.

Let's demonstrate a willingness to think about celebrities critically without being critical.