Talking without communicating?

Wives often complain that their husbands don't communicate.  It's not that guys don't talk.  What women mean is that our level of communication stays at a superficial level.  We'll use clichés and talk about current events/sports/work ...information.  But when we don't go deeper we aren't really communicating.

Now, this isn't just a guy issue.  All of us when we're in situations where we're surrounded by people who are just acquaintances will tend to communicate in cliches and other insincere forms of communication.  Christians are especially proficient at this because we toss out verses to address every situation without really thinking before we talk.

2 applications for us - First, is that our wives crave intimacy, so, real communication meets a need in our marriage.  Secondly, you aren't going to impact other people's lives when communication never progresses to deeper levels.  If you want to lead people to grow spiritually you'll have to go deeper at some point.

Experts believe communication can be divided into five levels:

1. Level of acquaintance
2. Sharing of information
3. Sharing of ideas
4. Sharing of emotions
5. Gut level sharing (i.e. dreams, beliefs, failures)

Try this.  The next party or social gathering you attend pay attention to the level of communication you hear.  Some brave people will venture to level 3 by giving an opinion about something, but most will stay at levels 1 & 2.  Knowing this, one of the best ways to distinguish yourself as a light in this world is to, at the right moment, offer a "real" comment (go to level 4 or 5).  

Deeper communication requires vulnerability, but that's the point...chances are your friends aren't used to hearing someone who is secure enough, choose to be vulnerable about their marriage or financial struggles or discouragement, or a past failure.  In addition to sharing, another way you can get to a deeper level of communication is by asking the right kind of questions that will "drill down" to elicit emotions and beliefs.  Obviously use discretion when going deeper, but don't fail to do this!

Let's not pretend to have a perfect life.  Look for the right times to share emotions, struggles, and beliefs.  If you have a relationship with someone that has been at levels 1-3 for years, it's time for you to push it deeper.  Yes, you risk ending the relationship by doing this, but the potential payoff is huge.  Plus, are you really risking anything if after years the relationship is still superficial?  It's time for it to go one way or the other.

 

For my friends who are new to faith

You can't know what is going to happen when you invite Christ into your life to forgive your sins and to take control.  Like this video, what you can count on is a ride that will freak you out but in the end you'll be saying, "can we do that again?"

Check out a disguised Jeff Gordon and his "test drive" with an unsuspecting salesman in the passenger seat.  Ever felt like this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5mHPo2yDG8